THE REASON….

…by Neopiscean…

          Now I sat the other day tryin to tek in life as it meets the eye…

          But then some things occurred to me that made me think twice…

          About the way the Babylon set the system and we just take it so without really understanding….

          Let  me elaborate…

1)   I stepped into an office the other day to make an enquiry and was tempted to pull out my whip to crack  at the clerk and say… “DOWN, GIRL!!!!!!!!!!…” after the lady snapped at me as if she was a hungry animal and I was a little piece of meat… I would usually run away, but the time had come… when my eyes opened to the truth and I just had to stand there as it dawned on me that whoever made desks was the epitome of genius…. Did you think the desks were made just so the clerks could sit there and look studious and organized?

NOOOO!!!  The desks are designed for these clerks…

          …to restrain them from jumping over and mauling you when you unfortunately happen to be addressing then when they feel they’ve had enough questions for the day… Lord help us when some of them get rabid… almost about to foam at the mouth and all these things… some of them make it seem like they’re the only ones having a bad day… bwoy…

          Customer service my foot!!! They need to recycle these people or make them work shifts. When one gets miserable, send in the happy duplicate…

2) Now I cannot understand, for the life of me… the reason why some people do some things that won’t  benefit  them … why drink and drive?  Why smoke the grass and get high?

          Why…

          …do college math?

          Now how, on God’s green earth is algebra, dividing by polynomials or logs going to help me to…. 1) pick up grocery at the supermarket

                                    2)take care of a child..

          As I sat in my math tutorial trying not to fall asleep over the book ….and then fell asleep over the book, I was hit by a startling revelation which made me sit up straight in my seat… and it was not because the teacher suddenly made sense… it was not because I was impressed that the teacher was adding letters and getting numbers for the sums… it was not because the teacher, after 15 minutes had finally solved #17 which said  :     

  

  

          It was because it finally dawned on me… what math really was…

          Mentally… Afflicted… Teachers… Harassing… Students…

          I tell you… it’s a conspiracy… and u know what happens after we get harassed to know fart? And fail? We get to repeat this 4 CREDIT course… the four doesn’t mean how important the course is enuh…

          It only means that because math is hard, quite a number of students might fail.. and then have to repeat… and pay a whack  of money PER CREDIT to UTECH… man, UTECH is the boss…

3) The people in charge here are at the heights of con artistry…they mek one of the hardest subjects have the most credits. I believe they should, in the near future, offer a course on “How to be a Con Artist…” No one should leave here without understanding that Utech does not stand for the University of Technology… the people who run it only want us to feel intelligent and advanced about attending such an institution… But today I wish to express that based on what I have experienced from being here for a month, this school should be renamed U-TEK…the University of TEK-nology… if these people know how to do anything good, it is to dry out pocket… if you have a lab, and have no lab coat, you gotta pay $100.00 to RENT  a coat… PER LAB!!!!!!!!  If you owe a 0.50cent  for boarding fee, you won’t get clearance…dem wi rob out u eye… an’  dat nah shat!!! Or how about the University of TECHnical difficulties? Why the heck is it that when light goes away, the whole university deh pon lockdown?

          Do these people know the meaning of the word generator…?

          ..oh well… at least now I’ve only got 3 years, 7 months,  3 weeks and twelve or so hours and a few seconds left in this jacked up place…

          LIFE IS SWEET!!!

          

Jamaica, land of sub standard goods…???

Wata with WOW??!!! 

Now i sat the other day wondering....if things will ever get any better for this little country of ours.... its now approaching the Independence weekend, and we are 49 years old as a nation...amidst much strife and violence over the past years, however, our little island has been referred to unofficially as "Jamaica, land of weed and manslaughter". Quite a shame, i must admit, but i have to admit...things arent looking bright here... in terms of the quality of our goods.. i would like to proffer "Jamaica, land of sub-standard goods." Everything here is lacking in some way or the other. That became apparent to me one morning when my grandmother beckonned to me ugently while we were making breakfast one morning. "close the coffee bokkle quick before the flavour fly out!!!!" she said to me. 
Dear God...it is serious.. the things today have no essence.... I think she is homesick for some real country coffee... the ones in the bottle arent as hot as they try to make it seem.... and i can quote many other examples of our downward spiral into purchasing substandard goods and being unable to do anything about it....
** Cran wata?  It should be changed to wata-cran…or the drink with 95% water and 5% cran. nothing to "WOW" about there... 

Cran wata… drank the cran, was left with the wata.. wow… town hav the betta goods… is what I thot as I consumed the sweet, cran… I was like, this must be the cran with the WOW in it… can't believ I had to come all the way to town just to get to experience it…….. u haffi use up allof your senses to taste the cran in the wata.sometimes when I a hav lunch an my fren a chat too much, I cant get to enjoy my cran wata as I  do when im in silence… I hav e to concentrate….

** the GAs station has a sign saying turn off all cell phones and switch off the engine for safety. no one does thta, and i have never seen a gas station here having any alarms or explosions of the sort. is it that the gas is weak, of a d phone dem nuh good?

Condensed milk.. look like it was just squeezed out of the cow and canned.. watery…

Baked bean sauce? Betta dem she baked beans in reddish coloured wata…

The snack that have more air in them than there is food??? Lord hav mercy…

Juici patty to flakey crust patty…more patty in your lap than in your mouth…

Malnourished taste patties… meager…

INFANTILE ABUSE

             

                Shhh… don’t tell nobody..

                Don’t tell a soul…

                It’s too much to dwell on…

                Too much to tell about…

The sad state of life…

Sometimes it makes me …

tremble…

Here I stand today, at nineteen years old…

Yet I can still remember that warm christmas day…

On which I fell prey to a one year old…

Don’t tell nobody………..

                Brothers and sisters, I do indeed believe, in fact, that we are in a sad state…

The  signs of the times are upon us!!! The Holy Book did say that mother would turn against daughter in the last days, and son against father…

But lo and behold!!! The times have brought baby against adult… infant against big man…

                My account is not one for the faint of heart, for this is serious…

                There I lay one day, taking it easy over the holidays.. when I was approached by my year old cousin…  who I’d like to term… The Deceiver…  with her cute, innocent little face, bright shiny eyes and drooly mouth… and so I said to her… “you cute little thing!! Come on in the bed and stay with me!!!”

                She smiled.

                And my guard was dropped.

                So there  we lay, skin to skin, looking deeply into each others eyes…

                So deeply… I was mesmerized… and I said to her..

                “your eyes are so pretty and shiny and black…”

                And she looked into my eyes, and said with a smile, “bu- bu-bu-aaaahhhhhh!!!”

                So I said, “You’re welcome.. ” and turned away to look at something else.

 Wrong move. 

We should all know how jealous women are. So, because I stopped giving her attention, she turned on me!!!!!

Next ting I know is this hand comes down and attempts to take out my eye…

So I turn and say “what the heck is your problem!!!”

She smiles deviously and screams,  “ahhh-ba-babbb-bab…!!!!” Which I think meant “how dare you!!! You’ll never look at another baby!!”

So I said- “whaaat????!!” which is when she grabs for my mouth and attempts to twist it off my face!!!! Then she slaps and slaps and slaps!!!!! So I grab for this pillow to shield me from the blows and her mouth water which was flying all over the place in her fury…

So she stops… and peeks under there at me as I cower from fear.

Then she moves away… all is quiet… and I think it’s over…

But the Deceiver then becomes like the Hulk and muscles that pillow off of me, then begins to rain a barrage of beating down on me… after trying again to rearrange my face, screeching and  scratching at me like an angry puss, chucking off into my chest and knocking the air out of me, and beating the heck out of me like a mi a di pickney, she finally heard my pleas for mercy… and saw my tears… or maybe it was her mouth water near my eyes… and she stopped.

And looked at me as I looked at her… we looked deep into each others eyes as before…

“…ok, I’m sorry…I’ll never take my eyes off you again… “ I manage to whisper.

She looks down at me as I lay there… with I think… compassion in her eyes…

And I think she believes me and is sorry too.

So she moves her face closer to mine…  I think she wants us to kiss and make up…

So I get closer to her too… only for her to put her wet, cold likkle mout’ on my nose… which wouldn’t have been so bad if her drool had stayed on her mouth and not escaped into my nose…

Talk about adding insult to injury…

So I did what I should have done a long time ago…

 I pushed the young woman off me, put on my shoes, and left…

NEOPISCEAN’S BLOG...

This is my view on what occurred during our first week at Utech…

            FINALLY!!!! We arrived…..

                        COLLEGE!!!!! WHOOOO!!!!!!!

            Boarding on Garvey Hall seemed like a sweet deal… here we were, brimming with anticipation and excitement of the guarantee of having lots of fun and opportunities while living here. When we arrived, the seniors ushered us in with an air of courtesy and friendship, and regarded us as nice young Ladies who were a welcome addition to the Garvey family.

            Ahhhh…. We were just about to get ready to kick back and relax with our new found friends and sisters when all of a sudden…

“GRUB STANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

            What the…?

            It was like a horror movie… a freak show at some points… that’s what occurred whenever this phrase was shouted at us by the dreaded…

            …Super Seniors…

            … “by day one way, by night another…”

            It was like Shrek… by day, our ‘seniors’ were human, and had a conscience… but by nightfall, they had… transformed… into the super… Super… SUPER(x6) SENIORS…

   It got even worse, as one night, we were visited by a RETIRED…(and I think possibly senile…) SUPER.. SUPER(x7) SENIOR MADDA HOG… *Gasp!...* What a sight, what a fright…

            These terrible… creatures… did appalling things… told us we had no rights…made us shout until we were voiceless… give the statues a bath as if the school didn’t have a janitor… or a statue cleaner… forced us to always be looking down as if we were ashamed because their faces were to holy for us to gaze at… we were even downgraded to squatters as we were duly informed that we only ‘cotch’ on Garvey Hall, after our parents pockets became deflated in order to pay so much for our  boarding fee…and let’s not forget( or should we..?) the new names we were christened with…bwoy…

            In the midst of all this mental slavery, we had to be objects of entertainment for our Super Seniors… from having a funeral for one of our deceased freshettes to dressing one night as if we had escaped from Bellevue to playing football… with only our feet and no ball… and bubbling was not only for the hot girls among us…everyone had to bubble… even the guys…

            These ‘vibrant orientation activities’ were conducted non- stop into the nights or at some ungodly hour of the morning which resulted in some freshettes either faking illness to get away… or being genuinely ill to get away…(remember that night when the RETIRED MADDA HOG made us walk back to our dorms in the GRUB STANCE? Mi sure that did wring up and ben’ up nuff a wi…) falling asleep standing up… and had the religious ones among us praying for morning to light… or for rain to fall…

            *Sigh*… that’s a week to remember…

            But thank God we stuck through it and graduated, learned what we had to and somehow appreciated these activities…

            So… next on the agenda… if anyone agrees that we should gang up on the seniors when they least expect it and grub THEM  back, please come see me at A6 with your tactical plan… thank you….

            Nuff love to my Garvey sisters, hope we’ll all have a good year!!

“We are proud to be the members of the Garvey Family…………”

Strung up high above our heads was a banner I would never forget, the white flowing sheet that read ‘Welcome to Garvey Hall’. Finally entering the door to the unknowns of Garvey Hall, I was greeted by smiling faces that had certainly won me over for the rest of the day. And it was not until that same night that I begun to wonder if I had made the right choice.

We hung our heads down low and dragged our right feet because we were told that we had no rights. Sleep was a concept and so each day and night we chanted songs and faced many challenges, respect was mandatory so we saluted our seniors and as sisterhood was imperative we carried each other when someone was down.

We walked alongside our new found Falcon brothers, first knowing them by their feet rather than their faces. Each night we met, we chanted the words, ‘GARVEY FLAMES!’, and then, ‘BLOCK F FALONS!’

It was not long before some of us started to feel anew and rather than whispering the name of our hall, shouted it feeling proud in ourselves. And then the time came when we all graduated from the ‘fhhh’ in ‘FLAMES’ to Garvey ladies and from ‘wanna be’ Falcons to Falcon men.

Now our heads are held even higher as we have come to appreciate and love dorm life and embrace each day by igniting our path to excellence as we believe we are fully fortified for future frontiers.

La-Shawn Richards